Why Am I Not Confident?

Discover why confidence, self-esteem, and personal development can change the way you see yourself. Learn strategies to help you eliminate self-doubt and achieve success

Let's get clear on what is confidence

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you wanted to speak up or take charge, but you couldn’t muster the confidence to do it? Or maybe you’ve been told that you need to be more confident to succeed, but you don’t know how to get there?

Well, you’re not alone. Many people struggle with confidence and self-esteem. And instead of diving into personal development, and work on their personal wellbeing they silently struggle with self-doubt. So, let’s explore why that might be.

First, let’s get one thing straight: confidence is not something you’re born with. It’s a skill that you can develop over time. And just like any other skill, it takes practice. But, for many of us, the reason we struggle with confidence is that we’ve been conditioned to doubt ourselves. Once you become to know yourself and be more intentional with your decisions, you will naturally unlock your confidence and build a more authentic YOU.

Think about it. From a young age, we’re taught to follow the rules, not make mistakes, and be polite and respectful. And while those are all good things, they can also lead us to believe that our opinions and ideas aren’t valuable. We start to second-guess ourselves and worry about what others will think if we speak up.

Another reason we might lack confidence and authenticity is that we compare ourselves to others. We see people who seem to have it all together, who are successful and self-assured, and we feel like we don’t measure up. But the truth is, we’re all on our own journey.

We all have our own strengths and weaknesses, and just because someone else seems confident doesn’t mean they don’t have their own insecurities.

So, how do you unlock your confidence and build a more authentic YOU?

Well, first of all, you need to stop comparing yourself to others. Instead, focus on your own progress and celebrate your successes, no matter how small they may be. And when you do make mistakes (because, let’s face it, we all do), use them as learning opportunities rather than reasons to beat yourself up.

Unlocking your true potential and boosting your self-esteem involves embracing the unfamiliar. It’s about venturing beyond the cozy cocoon of your comfort zone and leaping into uncharted territories.

Take a moment to reflect: what’s that one thing you’ve been yearning to try but fear has held you back? Is it enrolling in a dance class, applying for that challenging job, or speaking in front of a crowd?

Sure, it’s daunting initially. However, each step, big or small, beyond your comfort boundary is a testament to your growing capabilities. It’s in these moments of fear and exhilaration that you discover a more authentic and confident version of yourself. So, go ahead, take that leap and unlock the uncharted potential within.

And finally, surround yourself with supportive people who believe in you. Who like you for who you are with all your messiness. We all need a cheerleader from time to time, someone who can encourage us and remind us of our strengths when we’re feeling down.

So, lacking confidence is not something to be ashamed of. It’s a common struggle that everyone has at some point faced. But, with some practice, you can develop the skill of confidence and build a more authentic you. So, stop comparing yourself to others, step out of your comfort zone, and surround yourself with supportive people. And remember, it’s okay to make mistakes along the way. Just keep moving forward and celebrating your progress.

Try this exercise to gain more confidence instantly

Identify a specific situation in which you’d like to feel more confident. For example, it could be giving a presentation at work, going on a first date, or meeting new people at a social event.

Close your eyes and visualize yourself in that situation. Imagine yourself feeling calm, confident, and capable. See yourself succeeding and achieving your desired outcome.

As you visualize, pay attention to your internal dialogue. What thoughts and beliefs come up for you? Are they helpful or unhelpful?

If you notice any unhelpful thoughts or beliefs (e.g., “I’m not good enough,” “I’ll never be able to do this”), challenge them using the “reality check” technique.

Ask yourself, “Is this thought true, or is it just a story I’m telling myself?” Then, reframe the thought in a more positive and empowering way (e.g., “I may not be perfect, but I have valuable skills and knowledge to share,” “I can do this if I prepare and practice”).

Take a deep breath and anchor the feeling of confidence in your body. You can do this by choosing a physical gesture or touch that you associate with confidence, such as standing tall with your shoulders back, clenching your fist, or placing your hand on your heart.

Practice this visualization exercise regularly, ideally every day. Over time, it will help you build a more positive and confident mindset, which will translate into greater confidence and success in real-life situations.